Limitless Perfection

I've been working on recording some songs lately. It’s going slow, but I'm enjoying the creative process. I'm taking songs that I wrote and have played for years with only acoustic guitar and voice, then adding other instrumental parts, percussion, and some background vocals. It’s so interesting to see a song start with a basic structure and take shape one layer at a time. I've been sending the songs to a good friend of mine who's a professional sound engineer for mixing and mastering. It's amazing how much better he makes me sound after adding a few effects and adjusting a few levels!

A constant theme in my writing is learning how to deal with my own imperfection. Undoubtedly, because this is also a common theme in my life and I like to write from my experiences. I have songs that discuss how I contradict myself, how I don't live up to my own expectations, how I long for Heaven where I'll finally be cured of imperfection, how I fear others giving up on me or leaving when they see me for who I am, etc. I even have a tongue in cheek song that boasts of how I know more than everyone else and love my own reflection!

During this project, many of these ideas concerning perfection are working themselves into the music itself. When it comes to my songs, I often have an appetite that's bigger than my stomach...or rather, bigger than my wallet. A few months ago, I finally decided that instead of waiting until I had the perfect circumstances (nice equipment, professional studio, talented available musicians, a sizeable budget, a producer...), I would just begin recording on my own and do the best I could with the resources available and the knowledge I had, learning as I went. This process has included using household objects for percussion instruments, cheap equipment, whichever musicians are willing to help me free of charge, etc.

Interestingly, it has also meant using some MIDI instruments, especially for bass and drums. I don't own a bass guitar or drum set, and if I had drums, I wouldn't have the ability to mike them properly, so I am using technology called MIDI which uses pre-recorded samples to create digital sounds that I can manipulate with my digital piano and a mouse pad. It's almost like creating music out of thin air. The great thing about MIDI sounds is that if you know what you're doing you can alter a note in almost any way--length, placement, pitch, volume, attack, fade, register--with a couple clicks of the mouse. And if you really know what you're doing you can add all sorts of cool effects and even alter the sound of the note itself.

In a certain sense, MIDI is perfect. Every time I record a take for something manually, I always find flaws when listening to it. Wrong note here, wrong rhythm there, a string buzzed here, a flat note, or bad pronunciation. The potential problems are endless, but MIDI helps avoid many of these errors. Whereas with my voice or acoustic guitar I often have to go back and re-record an entire section or even the whole song to fix one flub, with MIDI I just click and drag and voila! And MIDI notes never misfire. It produces the exact same sound every time unless you alter it.

However, the problem with MIDI is that its too perfect! In fact, it's perfection creates imperfection. Although a good substitute, MIDI sounds could never accurately reproduce all the subtleties of a live player, like the differences of each time the stick hits the high hat or the squeak of fingers sliding across strings. Music is far too specific. MIDI can produce absolute precision in rhythm, tempo, pitch, and tone, something that musicians always strive for in performance, but in achieving this, it actually loses many aesthetic qualities. Any trained musician can quickly tell the difference between MIDI and a live recording, because MIDI eliminates the imperfection of the musician and with it the personality, uniqueness, expressiveness, and even humanity of performing.

I recently finished reading through the Psalms and was particularly struck by this verse: To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless. -Ps 119:96. At first, I was a bit confused. If something is perfect, how can it be limited and what would those limitations be? I can't claim to fully understand it yet, but I think my recent recording insights have shed some serious light on the subject. I think this verse is referring to human or worldly perfection (because of it's comparison to God's commands), which practically is unachievable. But even what we might consider to be perfect has limits. In my above example, technical perfection limits musical expression.

However, God's commands are boundless, meaning without boundaries or limitless. I'm not sure I fully comprehend this statement, but in contrast to our limited perfection I believe it is a great reminder of how much greater and higher his ways are than ours and that he is trustworthy. If perfect perfection exists, it is only in God. I believe his love, power, truth, and glory are perfect without limits!

So I must wonder why I've always been an enemy of imperfection. Why have my faults always frustrated me so greatly, sometimes even to the point of rage or immobility? As a music major, I spent countless hours in a practice room kicking myself and swearing out loud because of a constant mistake I couldn't seem to fix, wondering why I couldn't learn faster, correct errors, and play a piece exactly the same each time...just like a machine. When the goal of music has never been perfection, but rather beauty and expression. Precision and accuracy are indispensible, but their value will never exceed expression and individuality. Otherwise, we would go to concerts to see computers perform symphonies instead of orchestras.

My life is no different. Discipline is necessary, as are rules, but they are a means to an end other than perfection. All perfection is limited. If I followed every command without fault, I could still be like the Pharisees who did not even recognize the Savior they were awaiting. I could be like the rich young ruler who went away sad. I could miss the entire message of Christ who said the greatest commands were to love God and others, and that all the law and prophets were based on these truths. The goal is to know and love the Lord my God and walk in his ways. This is what gives my life purpose, beauty, and even expression. To live like this, I must depend on God's perfection and if I am to achieve any degree of perfection, it will only be in Christ, through him, and for his glory. In the meantime, I am humbly learning to embrace my imperfections and walk according to God's boundless commands and limitless love.